My Wish List
Picture this scenario. Someone I know (or even someone I don't know) has a sudden burst of generosity. They decide to buy a gift. Perhaps something very expensive or obscure. Who should they buy it for; what should they get? They run through a list of people in their mind - maybe they think of me. Imagine my disappointment if they were to discard me from their considerations because they didn't know what I wanted!
To pre-empt this tragic situation, I have compiled a short wish list. If you are feeling kind, why not get me one of these things? I would be most grateful. I might even get the restraining order lifted.
A Replica WOPR
Background: A super-computer with world-destroying ambitions from the film "War Games". Able to learn, and plays a mean game of Tic-Tac-Toe, the WOPR is right up there with the most sinister computers of all time.
Why I want one: What a beast! Who could live without a replica of the WOPR humming away in the corner of their room? Useful as a table; a nightlight; a doorstop or for simulating Global Thermonuclear War.
Estimated cost: A replica WOPR would have to be built from scratch. It would need blinking lights and probably something to make it hum as if planning all our deaths, but could otherwise be mostly an empty shell. Approx £1000.
A Replica Obelisk from 2001
Background: A mysterious device left buried on the moon by intelligent extra-terrestrial life millions of years ago, to notify its creators once humans escape from the cradle of the Earth.
Why I want one: Brooding and sinister, the obelisk asks us all to consider our place in the universe. Are we alone? Is there intelligent life out there? Wouldn't it be cool to have a jet black obelisk in the corner of your room?
Estimated cost: For full effect, the obelisk would need to be pure black, glossy and cold to the touch. Marble or anodised aluminium would be about right. This would make the obelisk a pricey gift. Approx £2000
A Video Floor
Background: Made famous by Eurovisions 2003-4, this simple but brilliant idea is just an array of video screens under the floor, covered with clear plastic. I haven't been able to find any pictures of it, but if you didn't see it on TV, it looked really cool.
Why I want one: To watch films on it, play video of flames or abstract geometric patterns while the eurobeat plays on.
Estimated cost: Approx 2000 £/m2 for LCD monitors and thick perspex. Standard monitors may require reinforcement, however. To do a fair sized floor would cost tens of thousands of pounds.
IKLDJFK license plates
Background: Some enterprising chap in America registered this license plate, and was driving around with it for a year and a half before someone complained and it was cancelled. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but who cares? I still want one of those!
Why I want one: Maybe I did kill him? If I boldly claim that I did it might put my enemies off the scent. Kill who anyway? Who said anything about killing? It's just a jumble of letters.
Estimated cost: I don't think this is a valid registration number in the UK, but a copy of the US version should be less than £100.
Runners up: If that license plate is unavailable, I would settle for one of these:
